Raising confident kids

ShopWellness Blogger

Now that many have you have stocked up your MannaBears and you are taking care of your kids nutritional needs, we thought it fitting to share with you a few tips on how to build their self-esteem and confidence  

Your kids confidence levels are developed by the seemingly most insignificant things. For example, mothers have been singing, humming, soothing their children to sleep from time immemorial. When Azam Ali, a singer, became a mother (2008), she felt that same ancient pull. “I discovered that lullabies are so much more than just musical and rhythmic tools to soothe a child,” she explains. “They are in fact a powerful medium by which a mother can send direct messages to her child about life, nature, joy, pain, love, beauty, etc.

She says: “I looked at lullabies from all over the world, and there’s a common thread that runs through all of them—that is, in general they tend to be very dark in nature. It’s my interpretation that this is because, when your child comes into the world, there’s a tremendous sense of responsibility that you feel and the overwhelming sense that you want to protect them from everything. Knowing you’re not going to be able to, it’s indescribable.

Not convinced?  Think about the famous 'RockA-Bye, Baby'

Baby on a tree top? Bow breaking? Cradle falling? I'm sure you agree, that those are not the kind of images you want your kid having in their dreams, let alone in a wakeful state? Do not underestimate the power of something as seemingly trivial as a lullaby

Here are a few more tips from Life Coach Junaid Bayat:

1. Praise your child often more for who they are, their character, manners and respect. This way they are praised for being good human beings. Also stop over praising and giving false praise as this too is common issue with parents which has a negative impact. Instead of saying wrong answer start saying "good attempt or great answer" even though they may have done it incorrectly constantly give praise for effort and intentions.
2. Stop making your child feel incapable or useless. Some people actually tell their kids they useless and idiots. General mistake parents make for things like school work or some task is by saying "it's easy - see even Fathima can do it". The moment you do this the child thinks something wrong with them because they finding it hard whilst "it's easy" for others. Start exploring in a game how they may tackle it from their perspective as a child.
3. Always speak with respect, saying "Please", "Thank you", "I'm Sorry" and even "I made a mistake" etc. Stop using slang such as ‘gimme’, instead say ‘please give me’; *use clear words, be polite and never swear*. Kids learn and get conditioned by language/words they hear. If you are negative, complaining, swearing, etc guess what?? They become negatively conditioned. Start speaking positively with positive words and encouraging words. You will now condition them with better positive words/language.
4. Stop making your children behave like adults. Children are called children for a reason. Let your child be a child and that means children mess, forget very often, play a lot and get dirty. I'm not saying let them carry on this way all the time, instead instill in them discipline gradually till they know what needs to be done when it has to but let them be kids. Just remember, kids will make mistakes more often than not and will find everything funny. Let them play - their job as kids is to play. Stop being too serious. Become a little child with them. Remember the little you and how much fun you had.
5. Start encouraging your kids to make decisions. He or she must be taught to make a choices and decisions. Acknowledge them, guide them by talking to them. Stop telling them what to do. Instead teach them consequences of their choices and decisions. Let them make the decisions and if they make a mistake then support them then more than ever not giving them the "I told you so" lecture. Your job as a parent is to love them unconditionally even when they make mistakes not only loving them when they do well or something you wanted.
6. Whenever you have to plan something or decisions to make, ask your child for his or her opinion. For example, if you are going to buy a car, ask them what colour they’d like the car to be. This develops the habit of consultancy in them and teaches them that their option is valued making them very confident to share their views and opinions. You will be pleasantly surprised at how differently kids see the world. They will most times see things you never even thought of.
7. Create a collage of happy moments, achievements and successes of your children. Print them certificates and even make it with their names for good character and good deeds. Nothing breeds success and confidence like past success. If possible, dedicate a small portion of the house to your child – make it their little space. Put their certificates on the wall in their "space". This will make them much more confident of themselves.
8. Teach your child to follow you in your thoughts, words and actions. Parents are kids biggest role models until you unconsciously are otherwise which then lead them to seek out role models in movie stars, singers, sport stars, etc. Lead them by your living example rather than mere lip service, it’s a more powerful way to teach kids. Your child will remember what he/she sees you doing forever. Start teaching them lovingly to always think positively/good of others, speaking positively of everything and making the right choices. as this will pave the way for them to be looked up to people. Are you your child's role model?
9. Teach your children how to resolve conflicts. Let them put forward their opinions and how to disagree on matters. Don’t use swear words or be aggressive when you disagree on anything as this will be picked up by your child. Children pick up things very fast. Teach them to tackle the issue/conflict as opposed to attacking the person. Attack the issue not the person.
10. Encourage your child to ask questions and try to answer each question. Never stifle children as their curious minds will seek answers from the wrong sources and learn from there instead of learning from you as a parent. Praise their questions at times and encourage debate on various topics.
11. Always fulfil your promises to your kids. Do not make big promises which you cannot fulfil; this makes them develop a habit of making false promises. If you fail to fulfil any promise, explain what happened or they believe their parents lied to them. They now learn this and think it's okay to lie.
12. It is absolutely crucial to teach your child how to develop skills of being a member of family. Team spirit and team work is very important; this teaches them to give chances to people in life rather than always competing. This will also be required later in their lives. Together everyone achieves more!!! They must learn to function as part of a team unit as that's what builds community and society. Playing an active part of the family, class, school, community and society. This way they learn teamwork and contribution not being a loner who only seeks for themselves.
13. Start praying for your children daily. Your children are facing one of the toughest times in the history of mankind. They being bombarded from all sides be it in academics, technology, social media, drugs, bullying, peer pressure and so much more. Your child needs your constant prayers. Teach them to also pray for guidance daily and to be grateful for everything. Start daily prayers of gratitude and guidance so that they appreciate you and what you have done for them as family.
14. Teach them how they should react to a failure and treat it as feedback. Teach them that it's okay to make mistakes and learn from it. Let them know that you will always be there by their side to support them and pick them up especially when they fail at things or made big mistakes. 
This enhances their resilience and enables them to be able to bounce back very from disappointment and failure. Teach them to persevere by persisting and to never give up especially when things get tough and challenging. Stop doing everything for them instead let them do it themselves even if it's not being done correctly, bad or not up to standard.
15. Always apologise and say sorry to your child if you have made a mistake, this teaches your child to seek forgiveness of others especially if they made mistakes or wronged someone. Stop bringing up all the ifs and buts when you are wrong; there are no ifs and buts when it comes to forgiveness for wrong you did. It takes a BIG person to say "I'm wrong, Please forgive me" or "I'm sorry, I made a mistake". Stop making excuses and blaming something or someone - start accepting responsibility and accountability in everything you do.
This teaches children humbleness, respect and forgiveness which is hugely lacking in this generation.
16. Have surprises for your children, to praise their good actions, give them recognition and explain to them that "this surprise is for the good that you did". Sometimes just surprise then for no reason. Everyone loves surprises. Teach them to daily do one good action for a stranger, a friend and someone that is down and out even if it means just a hug or a smile.
17. Ensure you and your child read. Reading expands their general knowledge and is extremely beneficial later in life. Let them physically hold a book and read even if they are reading on tablets and computers. Instill in them the yearning for knowledge and growth in every aspect of life. Let them read books that's about their passions. 
18. Constantly tell your children you love them, tell them how good they they are and how important they are to you, hug them, hug and kiss your children even if at first everyone feels awkward and weird. Children need approximately 7 hugs and "I love you" daily, you do the maths. They grow up with much more confidence just by having your love and attention. When they don't get it at home from you they seek it elsewhere from others. Make your children feel special otherwise someone else will.
If you feel this message will help one or more of your family or friends, please forward it to them. In fact share it with everyone you know to make our society and country a better place.

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